I thought I would sort of do a little bit of an update on my page here, as it has been over 4 years since I wrote the “about me” part just below this.
I’ve used this blog as an outlet for my anxiety – choosing not to identify myself or the people around me mainly because if I did that I would sensor myself and I don’t want to do that.
This is a place where I can really let people know just how frustrating anxiety can/could be and how much it really does affect a person not only mentally, but emotionally, physically, how it affects their very way of life.
My journey has been long but I have learnt so much about myself and the human body and spirit. In a weird way I am so thankful for what I have been through, it has been my enemy but also a much needed mirror. I didn’t realise that so much I did – the way I thought about myself, how I viewed my life, how the very core of me was based on so many lies – was sabotaging my chances at a fulfilling and joyful existence.
I’ve gone from Agoraphobia (being confined to my apartment not once but twice in my life) to learning to manage my episodes (but still being terrified of the world around me) to someone who is functioning quite well. I am doing everything I really wished I could while being dragged down my anxiety. I live my life the way I wish to now.
But it wasn’t easy – I pushed myself. If something or someone wasn’t working or helping me, I’d move on to try something else. I kept trying until I found what worked and I stuck to it. I also let my guard down and let others help me. My partner was the driving force behind me taking a very low dose of medication and as much as I was against it, it turned out to help me a lot.
I hope that what I write here in this blog helps others, not just with advice but also with some solidarity. I’m still learning and changing, my journey is not over.
I am mostly down-to-earth, sometimes a goof-ball and other times philosophical (I like to think).
I am generally creative. I like to play music, sing, paint, draw, get my hands dirty. I know this often sounds like a cop-out but I don’t see myself in a 9-5 job; to me that would be hell.
I grew up on a farm. As a result, I have super-tough feet. They’re often dirty because I forget to put shoes on when I go outside.
Constantly being asked what I want to do in life and it makes me nervous. I’d rather people tell me what I should do – however, I hate when people tell me what to do. I’m a walking paradox.
I was brought up with one brother (likened to being a Roman Centurion), have had several male best friends in my life and date men. Long story short, I like to wrestle and play video games (among baking, doing my hair and the usual girly things one does.)
Despite years of being uncomfortable within my own body due to sickness, I love it to pieces now.
I first started this page to talk a lot about anxiety, however I now realise that as pesky as it can get, it is a small part of who I really am. I have a mixed bag that I tend to write about here – anxiety, panic, love, relationships, joy, happiness, my thoughts, my past, and other general things.
I’d live happily if I could connect to as many people as possible and help them to feel not so alone in this world because I won’t feel that way either 🙂
(If you are interested, here is a link for government supported help in Australia: Personal Helpers & Mentors)