Art · Personal


From what I’ve seen of painters and art is that when an artist comes into their own unique “style” it’s as if they become their art. They go to sleep thinking about their work, they wake up in the morning filled with new ideas and jump straight into it and it seems as though they wouldn’t know their life if it wasn’t for the art in it.

Well, I think I am still waiting for my style.

What I am “good at” is realistic styled drawing.

For example the rose at the top of my page is what I drew for my mother a year or so ago:


It’s unfinished in this picture but you get the idea.

However when I close my eyes and see the ideas in my mind of what I want to create I just think to myself how on earth am I going to get that out of my head and onto a canvas/page? With my super-realistic style abilities I am just amiss to interpret what I see.

Sometimes these ideas are so fleeting that even if I could manage it the reference has already gone. It’s a pity that we can’t take pictures of things in our minds.

I keep wondering what I should do and I also keep amassing copious art supplies to help, but every time I start to get experimental it just doesn’t feel right and I end up with a mess on a canvas.

I just haven’t found the right way of expressing myself yet. I know some people just throw paint at a canvas and that’s the way they can understand themselves and/or their world, or some people (my father included) just sits down with a canvas, starts drawing and whatever comes out, comes out.

Some people plan a work out for weeks or even months and some people can just belt something out in a few hours, but as long as they know their style it’s a relatively easy process, no matter how long it takes.

I don’t know why my inner artist has to be such a perfectionist. While I am amazed at what I can create, the realistic drawings don’t really have much emotion behind them. I see my creation but it doesn’t mean anything.

I really hope that one day I’m able to show other people what I can see just as other artists before me have done. I hope one day I can find my style and I can’t stop myself each and every day bringing my visions to life.

I hope one day I can just get it all out.




Art · Personal


Well I am finally up and out of bed before 10:30 – and as an added bonus, the sun is out today and it’s not pouring with rain.

To celebrate this I have resolved to doing painting today, no matter what.

I’m going to put a brush to canvas.

All the best

Art · Personal



So I managed to do something!

I suppose there IS really something to be said for just buckling down and doing something.

Also, painting in dull lighting makes for some interesting early morning discoveries.

I woke up pretty early this morning but just decided to hang out in bed for a few hours on my phone. I, again, could have driven over to see my parents but for some reason my heart’s just not in it.

I said to myself, “I’d rather stay home and focus on painting” but how much painting have I done today? A big, fat ZERO.

I’m hoping tomorrow will be more productive. Or at least tonight.

Anxiety · Art · Personal · Uncategorized

Just Go

So apparently crossing your fingers and praying real hard does, perhaps, do something?

Thankfully I woke up this morning with little to no discomfort from my nose/lip area; so I didn’t have to call my doctor, and I didn’t have to experience all that anxiety crap that goes with appointments, that after 29 years I’m just sick of now.

I did, however, decide that I was going to go and visit my parents. I packed my bags, filled my car with petrol, got extra treats for my birds so they didn’t run out of food while I’m gone, checked the air in my tires (got terribly confused over kpa and psi used at different stations) but then didn’t end up leaving.

I just had this feeling of blah – I would like to be with my parents but that hour and a half car trip – I just didn’t want to face it at all.

So I just ended up seeing my boyfriend and then after he left I ordered pizza for dinner.

I’m having one of those nights were I really don’t know how I feel.

Kind of angry at myself for eating an entire packet of Pineapple Lumps (candy).
Kind of miss my boyfriend who is off doing all the things he does.
Kind of really want to do something creative but that doesn’t involve detail (and it is hard to convince that artistic part of myself that things don’t have to be realistic in order to be beautiful.)
Kind of want to go for a run but after eating pizza and candy I think I’d get about 100 metres and then have a stitch/barf everywhere (also it is night time.)

And kind of just want everything in my life to be sorted so I could feel kind of normal for once.

What I’d really like to have a go at is some sort of space painting and then pop my glow-in-the-dark paint over it so it glows at night.

Could I be bothered to get off my chair and do it? No.



I should just do it.

Just go.





Art · Personal



The hardest part about this painting is the fact that the original image only covers the top half of this and now I have to decide what to do with the bottom. For a few days there I’ve been thinking about making a reflection as if the tiger is standing in water, but I’m wondering if I want to create more work for myself on top of the sheer detail I now have to go into on this tiger’s face.

I am leaning towards the tiger standing in water, it just won’t be water you can see, like the way lakes are rivers can look like black ink in the evenings. That would fit in with the theme of making this beauty glow-in-the-dark. I could even make a reflection in glow-in-the-dark paint – I’ve trialed it on black paint and it comes up, faint yet visible.

I tried to do more detail today only to have to put the paint brush down after 30 minutes in the wake of my aching back and feet. I’ve been spending most of this annoying period sitting/reclining on the lounge so my muscles are starting to ache from that.

Tomorrow I am going to drive across to visit my parents. Perhaps I’ll take this with me.

Art · Personal · relationships

Rough Night

Last night I saw my romantic interest for the first time in what seemed like forever (in reality it was only around 5 days) and it was alright.

To be honest I haven’t felt like myself for a while so logically I know it isn’t going to feel the same – because he hasn’t changed, he’s still the same guy I invited into my bed 3 or so months ago.

He stayed the night which was nice, however at some ungodly hour (around 3 -4 am) something made a loud bang noise and my birds went mental in their cage, flapping around and what not. He leapt out of bed to see what it was, and then after that we both found it hard to get back to sleep.

Also, my bedroom window is right in front of streetlights and my body honestly wouldn’t know the difference between middle of the night or morning rays with those things there. I do often sleep with a mask over my eyes but sometimes I get sick of wearing it when it doesn’t sit right. I know this sounds weird, but its like my brain knows it’s not dark beyond my mask…

As I was leaving the mall today with a friend I decided to walk into the fabric shop and grab 3 metres worth of cheap black material to hang over the slatted blinds that do absolutely nothing to block out light (and I have no idea what would possess people to put them in their houses.)

When I got it home I ended up cutting it to fit the window but realised later (when I had recovered from the trauma that is going outside during Australian summertime) that I should have cut the fabric into two equal lengths and used those to cover the window vertically.

Now I have one bit that covers the whole window on the left side, and one bit that leaves about an inch gap on the right. I figure I will just cut off a small section from the left side and use my completely amature sewing skills to tack it on.

At the moment, however, it is doing an excellent job at reducing the amount of heat coming in from outside.

On Wednesday this week it is going to be 38 degrees. I’m really confused as to why it has to be that hot. Really. Come on, weather! I think I was kidding myself when I thought I didn’t need air con – I think the older you get the more you do actually need stuff like that, especially when you’re not feeling 100%.

Anyway, I’ll leave you with a picture of the painting I gave my father for Christmas.