Anxiety · Happiness · life · Personal · relationships

Sometimes It’s Hard To Be Diplomatic With Friends

Lately things for me having been not so easy; not terrible, just not easy. My overall health is up, then down, then UP, then DOWN, and may father’s health has sort of been the same. I have a friend that is not doing so great with her mental health and my father’s mother’s dementia is getting worse and worse – so phone calls are pretty intense for him.

This is all not helped by the progressive lack of sleep I’m getting…

So for me, right now, at this present time in my life, I am going out of my way to avoid anything that doesn’t lift my spirits.

In fact, I think that is one of the reasons why I’m still chatting away with my ex. He is the kind of person that makes people laugh and smile just by laughing and smiling himself.

One of my close friends, who’s been there with me for a long time, has started to become a little too negative. He is not a negative person but it seems as though every time I’ve had a conversation with him lately it had a tinge of bad.

At the moment I’m not strong enough to carry any empathetic weight, especially with lack of sleep, I’m finding it difficult enough not to go off at my parents for absolutely no reason other than I feel like *beep*.

A few nights ago I had a great, friendly conversation with my ex and I was feeling happier. Then, since I was in a better mood, I decided to check up on this friend only to have him tell me all these things that had gone wrong not just with him, but also around him, with people I don’t even know.

Well I just had to put my phone down. I’d completely lost my happiness mojo, just like that.

Again, not trying to be a bitch here. Ordinarily I would talk things through with him but I honestly just don’t have the reserves.

Anyway, rather than piss and moan about it, I decided to just approach it like an adult. Was honest and told him last night that I thought his mood had nose dived a lot lately and I wasn’t sure whether or not that was just because he was offloading onto me. I suggested that maybe the whole “share house” situation he was in, while good to save money in hopes of getting your own place or whatever you might be saving for, was not helping with HIS mental well-being.

He agreed and admitted to me that I only get to hear the worst parts because I’m one of his best friends.

But I asserted my boundaries and told him that I couldn’t be there for him in every instance – not forever and ever, just for the meantime.

He sort of misunderstood what it was I was saying, taking it a bit personally and saying “I didn’t realise it was all the time” which I had to clear up to say I didn’t think he was being negative ALL the time, but he was just dumping all of his negativity onto ME all the time. I mean if I’m one of only a few he can talk to about stuff, and I’m almost always available to chat, then I’m probably going to be on the receiving end of most of it.

Besides it wasn’t actually even about him. People have problems/troubles in their lives and they go to their friends for help. It’s a normal thing to do. It’s just not a good time for me and sometimes I do need a rest from taking things on board, especially when I’m struggling a bit with my own stuff.

 

I hope I was as diplomatic as possible with it. He sent me a picture of a dancing lemur through instagram this morning so I suppose all is okay.

 

 

 

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