Over this weekend I decided to turn my phone off and spend some time alone.
I’m not technically “alone” here because I live with my retired parents but I just wanted to be away from… well, I’m not entirely sure what. It’s not as if my phone is constantly ringing or that I’m being hounded by anyone.
I thought about telling some close friends that I would be having a break from my phone (unfortunately this thought came after I switched it off) but behold when I turned it back on after only one day (Friday night to Sunday morning) no one had sent me any messages anyway.
I didn’t feel depressed or saddened by this, more relief that I could have a day away and not have to explain myself.
At the moment I am lacking focus. I have a hell of a lot of ideas re: art and creating swirling in my head but I don’t have the focus or motivation to breathe life into them. That’s probably one of the reasons I turned my phone on early. At the moment I have the attention span of a gnat. It’s taken me forever to write this post because of it.
I suppose I could blame it on the autoimmune flare because I wasn’t this fatigued before, could also be the heat, but deep down I’ve never really been one to make excuses. Perhaps in the past, yes, but not now. I know better. I mean, 5 minutes of drawing and then 10 minutes of staring off into space is better than no drawing and 15 minutes of space travel, right?
Currently I am wearing a knee warmer – a knitted knee warmer. It’s actually really hot but my knee doesn’t like to be uncovered (for some reason it hurts more) and it’s too hot to wear pants.
I am also engaging in flirtation with my most recent ex-boyfriend because it’s the only thing that makes me feel alive at the moment. I know that he may never change and I know we could possibly go around and around in circles, but for now since we live miles away from each other I don’t see the harm in it.
A the moment we’re talking about sex and socks. It’s all so much fun.
Anyway it’s now almost 2:30pm and I really need to do something constructive. Perhaps a little roll around on the grass if I don’t burst into flames from the heat of the sun.