So things have been both “yay” and “boo” for me recently.
The “yay” being the fact that I’ve been quite independent and anxiety-free. I’ve also managed to land a small project at work which will see me going in and actually doing something instead of standing around getting a headache from not doing anything.
The “boo” being the unfortunate catching of a cold from my boyfriend’s son because my immune system is already down. Apparently, for whatever reason I seem to have Urticaria which is basically some weird itching/rash/hives thing and the type I have doesn’t seem to be related to anything. I literally feel like I am allergic to my own body.
It’s been going on for about a week and a half and it’s starting to drive me a little insane – or perhaps grumpy and irritated. The worst part of it is when it wakes me up at 3am, drives me crazy until 5 – 6am when I’m finally too tired to deal with anything and pass out.
There are suggestions that this can be caused by an autoimmune reaction – and since I have had autoimmune problems in the past then it could be quite likely.
Either way I am waving a little white flag at myself.
I am literally done.
If I wake up again at 3am with not only crazy itching but with all the usual cold symptoms then that’s it. I’m not going to life again for a few days. I will literally stay in bed and sleep even if I don’t need to.
I also have a pimple on my lip which is one of the most painful places, I think, to get one.
I’m trying so desperately to love myself during all this but I’m finding it so difficult.
Sort of reminds me of the saying, “I love you, but I don’t have to like you right now” or however it goes. “I’m not mad, I’m just disappointed…”