Anxiety · Happiness · Health · Personal

Why Are You Doing That?

I haven’t really made up my mind about the whole weekly card thing – it’s a little bit like the chicken and the egg. Am I acting differently each day because of a message, or am I experiencing exactly what the message said and acting from that?

Anyway, the last two days of the week – Saturday and Sunday – said something about being stressed, and telling me to chill out, but my weekend was the most chill ever.

Not so much for my neighbours… they had one hell of a fight. I mean my neighbours have fought before but this one went for a long time (I’m surprised someone can scream for that long) and ended with the woman leaving with packed bags.

So apart from that, I pretty much spent my time laying on the couch watching TV, playing on my phone, and making a couple of trips to the grocery store. So, not an ounce of stress in sight.

Or so I thought.

Last night my boyfriend was coming over to hang out and sleep over. He was going to drop his son off at around 7 and then come over after that.

So I was doing what I’d been doing all day, just sitting watching TV and phone playing, but now also waiting for him to show up.

Then 8pm rolled around.

8:30.

9.

At this point I’m wondering where he is.

At 9:15 I receive a message, “don’t worry I haven’t forgotten about you. I’m just stuck.”

When I asked what stuck meant he told me he had to drive his mother home (they were at a family party) after her hair was done and then he’d be right over.

Well I fucking lost it.

For merely that reason I started crying like my heart had been broken.

While that was going on a part of me was like this:

funny face

Like, why the hell are you crying? Like maybe a few tears I can understand but full on, somebody-I-love-just-died tears?

That’s when I knew that it wasn’t just what had happened that night.

I have a tendency not to deal with my emotions, in any way. Some people deal with them on the spot, some people wait and bitch to their friends, some people go running, boxing, exercising, and some people cry.

Well I don’t do anything and that’s when my dam runth over, just like they say “the straw that broke the camels back.”

Some small little problem becomes the outlet for everything I’ve bottled up, which was part of the message Friday – Sunday. Deal with stress.

So I’m going to try and do something every day this week, a walk, a run, some exercise in my apartment, a drive somewhere nice, to nature, whatever.

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