Anxiety · Art · Personal · Uncategorized

Just Go

So apparently crossing your fingers and praying real hard does, perhaps, do something?

Thankfully I woke up this morning with little to no discomfort from my nose/lip area; so I didn’t have to call my doctor, and I didn’t have to experience all that anxiety crap that goes with appointments, that after 29 years I’m just sick of now.

I did, however, decide that I was going to go and visit my parents. I packed my bags, filled my car with petrol, got extra treats for my birds so they didn’t run out of food while I’m gone, checked the air in my tires (got terribly confused over kpa and psi used at different stations) but then didn’t end up leaving.

I just had this feeling of blah – I would like to be with my parents but that hour and a half car trip – I just didn’t want to face it at all.

So I just ended up seeing my boyfriend and then after he left I ordered pizza for dinner.

I’m having one of those nights were I really don’t know how I feel.

Kind of angry at myself for eating an entire packet of Pineapple Lumps (candy).
Kind of miss my boyfriend who is off doing all the things he does.
Kind of really want to do something creative but that doesn’t involve detail (and it is hard to convince that artistic part of myself that things don’t have to be realistic in order to be beautiful.)
Kind of want to go for a run but after eating pizza and candy I think I’d get about 100 metres and then have a stitch/barf everywhere (also it is night time.)

And kind of just want everything in my life to be sorted so I could feel kind of normal for once.

What I’d really like to have a go at is some sort of space painting and then pop my glow-in-the-dark paint over it so it glows at night.

Could I be bothered to get off my chair and do it? No.

Why?

Dunno.

I should just do it.

Just go.

Now.

Go.

 

 

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