Anxiety · Personal

What Does The Card Say

(for some reason my brain thought this was amusing to go along with the song “what does the fox say”)

I decided to do a new thing this week. I grabbed my tarot deck and I asked for a card to represent each day, and then one to represent the whole week.

Whether or not the cards really do have anything to do with my reality, that doesn’t really matter. I’m not writing this to debate with anyone if anything can predict the future (even though I believe that with the countless actions one can take in life, there’s no such thing as a “set” future, just probable outcomes) all this is about doing something to remind myself every day to focus and be a better version of myself.

For example, today’s card (Monday) had the theme of Responsibility and Commitment; something I think we can agree is difficult for someone with an anxiety disorder. We are frightfully indecisive and find it hard to promise things because we don’t know what our anxiety is going to do.

Insure that you are reliable and trustworthy, following through on projects and seeing them out to the end.
Take charge of any situation you face today and go with the flow.
Success is achieved through planning and action. Even though a task may seem mundane and repetitive – know that it will eventually grow into success.

I wrote out the message on my phone so that every time I looked at the screen it was a reminder to focus on this idea of myself. Do I want to think of myself as unsure and flighty, or do I want to stand my ground and take charge?

 

This all has a lot to do with the “overall” message of the week which is The Moon.

The message that came through was all about the shadow self, and the tendencies to project fear and anxiety onto external surroundings. The Moon is trying to let you know that all is not what it appears to be and even if you are aware of so called “negative” behaviours, how much are you actually AWARE. What are you doing in that moment to change?

It’s a card that speaks to someone who experiences anxiety on a daily basis. We know we are scared but what the moon is trying to say is “why are you scared? are you willing to challenge every idea you have about yourself to change that fear? Every meaning you’ve ever put to anything in your life may be holding you back, you just don’t see it because it’s been the norm for so long.”

That’s why The Moon says everything is not as it appears to be.

With Monday’s message in my pocket I saw the day completely differently to what I may have without it. With it I noticed all the little, tiny, wheeny thoughts I had, and actions I took, that aren’t that bad on their own, but added together can very much differ the way I experience things.

And today, I took responsibility of those thoughts and actions and changed them in the moment I had them.

 

I, in a way, I suppose, let my guard down. Funny to think that to be self-assured and taking charge one would think someone’s guard is up but not the case. In this state of taking responsibility I connected more with others.

So I am actually quite tired now. It takes energy an commitment to want to change, really change, from within. It’s 8:30 but I feel like I could sleep for 1,000 years.

I am also interested to see how the rest of this experiment goes.

Tomorrows message is all about Giving and Receiving and making sure I remain positive. To really be grateful for what is around me and what I have.

Let’s see what gems Tuesday shows me.

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