Anxiety · Happiness · Personal

Wasn’t Even An Option

I’ve been thinking a little bit about going back into study lately. I figure that even if my passion is writing, drawing, painting or music that doesn’t mean I can’t use some of my free time to learn something new.

One of the mistakes I think I’ve made with schooling is just trying to “get through it”. To be honest I should have taken a gap year after high school in order to just relax and work through my anxiety, but hey, it didn’t really play out that way – and I suppose I was thankful for the distraction from the autoimmune issues I was faced with.

Anyway, “get through it” was the attitude I took from high school into University so while I have a BA degree I wouldn’t say I really knew what it was I was doing, or where the degree was eventually going to take me.

Even now the degree hangs on my wall and I’m not even employed at a place that has anything to do with it.


Part of the mistake I have made for so long is being distracted by the things I don’t like rather than picking something I am interested in and focus on that. For example, I don’t really like the fact that I work somewhere I have little to no interest in the subject matter, as a casual, and I focus on that rather than do something about it.

To be honest the idea of studying something because I liked it wasn’t even a thought I ever had.

Wasn’t even an option.

Can you believe that?

I didn’t actually put two and two together to realise that people STUDY THINGS IN ORDER TO BE SOMETHING. Like, a lawyer studies law in order to do their job. A journalist studies journalism to do their job.

The only thing that ever really made sense in my mind was that a doctor studies medicine to do their job – and thank god for that!

I was too busy trying to figure out why the hell I couldn’t go to a supermarket without freaking out.

I know better now.

Since the subject of how the mind works, and what makes people do the things they do, is an interest of mine – and let’s not forget the eventual want to help others one day – I thought I might try my hand at studying Psychology. I mean with all the research I’ve already done into anxiety and mental health I feel like it’s something I’ll actually enjoy learning.

And I don’t think I’ve enjoyed learning anything since I was in Primary School.


This is the year I’ll be turning 30 and it’s also a 9 year for me in Numerology. It’s time to really figure out who I want to be and where I want to go so I can hit the ground running on the next 30 years of my life.

I’m really starting to understand the limits I’ve placed on myself in regards to who I am, where I live, what gender I am, and what I’m able to do with anxiety.

So I guess it’s time to start somewhere.


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