What a wonderful time of year it is in my city. The daily temperature gets up to a very comfortable, warm range and the nights are cool enough for me to fall asleep covered in blankets. Autumn never used to be my favourite time of year, but I think it is fast becoming so.
Life over the past two days has become a little more bearable out of nothing but my sheer willpower to have a positive outlook and make myself feel again. I am not anywhere near how open I want my heart to be again but at least now I can experience warm, fuzzy feelings.
On Thursday night I told myself that in order to avoid how terrible I felt that day I would strive to look after myself this weekend; starting on Friday.
That plan fell through up until the mid-afternoon when I took at look around my apartment and decided that whoever I am going to be, that person deserves to live in a clean environment. I’m not saying I live like a slob (mother raised me better than that!) but when there is clutter and dust, I dunno I just don’t feel happy.
I even found the enthusiasm to cut all the dead ends out of my hair.
After a dinner of baby cucumbers, red capsicum, carrots, olives and potatoes, I jumped in the shower and then called my boyfriend just so I could hear his voice and that great laugh he does.
This morning I woke up around 8am but didn’t want to bound out of bed screaming “good morning world!” but I consider it a victory that I didn’t want to ignore being awake and immediately go back to sleep.
When I got up I fixed myself some fruit toast and a cup of lemon tea (just hot water and lemon juice) and instead of turning my TV on ready to watch a show or movie (and probably spend the next 2-3 hours on the couch, I just opted to sit and talk to my birds.
I had the urge to do something active after that, but still not quite to the stage where I wanted to call a friend to kick a ball around or go for a walk, I decided to do some strength training. So I put some music on and did a little circuit in my room with the sunlight streaming in.
Boy has it been a long time since I picked up my weights or lifted my muscles!
I am hoping that I have the drive to do this more often. If there’s one part of my identity that I want to hold onto it’s being active and fit. I want to be that little girl again who loved running, jumping, skipping, and climbing but just the older version of that.
But it takes time.
After the small workout I cut up half a rockmelon and ate it as quickly as I could. Some days you get a good melon, some days you don’t, but my friends this was a gooooood melon!
And that’s where I am now.
I’m not sure what the rest of the day will bring. My eyes are already beginning to tempt me to shut down and spend it on the couch – but you know what? If that happens then it happens. At least I’ve done something to better my situation today.
All I know is I am looking forward to tonight. My boyfriend is coming over for dinner. Not sure if we’re going to get (healthy) pizza, go out somewhere, or perhaps I will cook something up, but I will enjoy the time I get to spend with him.