The Girl With No Plan

I don’t ever remember having a plan.

My plan in Primary School was to do an awesome job at everything and I did a pretty good job at it, I suppose.

I only just graduated High School; the girl who would annoy the crap out of people because they didn’t like a “try hard”.

In University I had no idea what I was doing. To be perfectly honest I should have taken a gap year to come to terms with everything – finishing school, being diagnosed with a chronic illness, see my friends go about their business and actually COMPREHEND what it was to carve out a life.

I waited until I had direction from anyone around me to steer me onto a path, and the only time I gave up on something, or change it, was after I did major damage to myself in some way: my health, my wellbeing, my happiness.

All because I had no plan.

And to be honest I still don’t.

I think about plans but that’s usually as far as I get. For example, almost 3 years ago now I was thinking of starting a course to be a Naturopath. I didn’t, because I wasn’t sure.
If I had MADE that choice, then right about now I could have been 3 years into that course with at least some direction.

Even if I’d lost interest by now, at least I would have tried something!

Yet here I sit, 29th year of being on planet Earth, and I’m still a casual at a job I’m beginning to really dislike. I graduated 6 years ago. SIX.

I’m not going to blame my health, or my mental state – yes, anxiety and illness have been hard, but that’s no excuse not to try.

Yes, I’ve come along way. I will bask in the progress I’ve made for a moment.

But now I need a plan. A proper plan. A life plan.

Because life can’t happen to you if you’re busy making no plans.

On a side note, my doctor has asked me to try coming off my medication. I feel a lot better about doing it this time around. After speaking to some people about how they did it I’m a bit more confident about the WAY to do it.

Basically by cutting out a day of medication for a few weeks, and then cutting out another, then another, ever so slowly is the best way.

We’ll see what happens!


4 thoughts on “The Girl With No Plan

  1. I really love the way you so honestly reflect. Ming (21) seems to be struggling with this atm. He is criticised by others for not having a future plan, for not having ambition, for being content to work as a waiter. Your post will help me help him if that makes sense. Thank you!

    1. Does he still want to be an actor? Creative types seem to be most likely to odds and ends until their major goal comes to fruition – however if we’re not taking small steps towards it, it’ll always be in the distance and you’ll find yourself working at the “in-between” job for a long time hahahaha.
      I’d encourage him with just small steps or actions that he likes doing, soon enough he’ll find himself.

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