Just got back from my wonderful holiday down in Jervis Bay. An absolutely stunning place in Australia.
The holiday itself was great fun, however it was a little bitter-sweet. On Friday I had a missed call from work after our first beach stop of the day. I was super excited to see if I had finally made my casual position a permanent one after 5 years.
Unfortunately I was “out-performed” and not ranked in the top 3 who got jobs.
To tell you the truth I really don’t mind. I am beginning to really not like it there – as I said before, not because of where, or with whom I work, but rather the content – and I know that at least 2 of the 3 people really do pour their hearts into the job.
The thing that had me breaking down in tears a little later was that they’ve made me feel a bit incompetent. 5 years and 3 separate interviews for the SAME job and I can’t ever seem to be good enough. It’s more my pride that is hurt than anything else.
So after I managed to cry everything out of my system, I just got on with the holiday as normal. Even now, sitting back at home, I don’t really care. I mean, I am lucky because I have parents that support me – so it’s not as if I have to fret about how I’m going to pay the rent. Sure, money will be super tight for a little bit, but no matter.
I am of the school that everything happens for a reason, and if it’s not meant to be it’s not going to happen.
Anyway, lets get back to the holiday…
My ex and I explored a national park on the first day, and I had so much fun! Lots of things to see, beautiful beaches – we even found one that was absolutely LITTERED with bluebottles and I am NOT exaggerating!
Managed to run into a bunch of kangaroos, and a few lizards (every time the bushes rustled my ex would jump) and even 2 echidnas…
I replied, “not really, but I’ll get there.”
To be honest, I do feel a lot stronger, and have a lot more faith in myself. Of course shit is hard when you have anxiety constantly on your back but I’m doing as best as I can in almost every moment.
We’ll see what greater plans I have lined up ahead of me.