Anxiety · Personal

Do You Feel Liberated?

Just got back from my wonderful holiday down in Jervis Bay. An absolutely stunning place in Australia.

The holiday itself was great fun, however it was a little bitter-sweet. On Friday I had a missed call from work after our first beach stop of the day. I was super excited to see if I had finally made my casual position a permanent one after 5 years.

Nope!

Unfortunately I was “out-performed” and not ranked in the top 3 who got jobs.

To tell you the truth I really don’t mind. I am beginning to really not like it there – as I said before, not because of where, or with whom I work, but rather the content – and I know that at least 2 of the 3 people really do pour their hearts into the job.

The thing that had me breaking down in tears a little later was that they’ve made me feel a bit incompetent. 5 years and 3 separate interviews for the SAME job and I can’t ever seem to be good enough. It’s more my pride that is hurt than anything else.

So after I managed to cry everything out of my system, I just got on with the holiday as normal. Even now, sitting back at home, I don’t really care. I mean, I am lucky because I have parents that support me – so it’s not as if I have to fret about how I’m going to pay the rent. Sure, money will be super tight for a little bit, but no matter.

I am of the school that everything happens for a reason, and if it’s not meant to be it’s not going to happen.

Anyway, lets get back to the holiday…

My ex and I explored a national park on the first day, and I had so much fun! Lots of things to see, beautiful beaches – we even found one that was absolutely LITTERED with bluebottles and I am NOT exaggerating!

Blue Bottles

See?

Managed to run into a bunch of kangaroos, and a few lizards (every time the bushes rustled my ex would jump) and even 2 echidnas…

Echidna
On the second day we explored the coastline a bit, went swimming at two different beaches, and had a look at shops, ate some delicious food, and even went to a market today before we headed off home.

Toy Ship
On our last night there, my ex wanted to watch the sunset, so we sat by a very still, very serene inlet and watched the sun disappear behind the hills.

Sunset
Today, my mother sent me a message asking, “Do you feel liberated? Like your back in control of your life again?”

I replied, “not really, but I’ll get there.”

To be honest, I do feel a lot stronger, and have a lot more faith in myself. Of course shit is hard when you have anxiety constantly on your back but I’m doing as best as I can in almost every moment.

We’ll see what greater plans I have lined up ahead of me.

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