The Act Of Balancing

T-minus 4 days until I finally go on holiday. I’m getting to the stage now where a change is not as good as a holiday and I need to get away from everything.

My ex, who is now my best friend and business partner, is going away for work for 3 months and so I thought it was a good idea for us to be together for a little bit away from business, away from the stresses of life, so we can enjoy ourselves.

I’m having a hell of a time with life at the moment. Not entirely sure why, because things aren’t all that exciting when I think about it, but for some reason my anxiety has decided to give me a really hard time in dealing with things.

Oh, and I’ve been angry.

The kind of angry mood when even the people you love get on your nerves. I even find myself bored and annoyed with my new romantic interest.

It makes absolutely no sense, and I don’t WANT to be angry, but it just happens. I’ve even caught myself clenching my jaw – something that I used to do quite a few years ago – but grew out of: I assumed it was teenage angst.

I think it’s because I’m slowly crossing into that age where I’m no longer giving a s**t. Not in the way you might think – I actually want to be genuinely happy with my life and I am gradually losing tolerance for anything that I don’t like/don’t want to do.

The only problem is I tend to shut down everything rather than go the other way with things. Instead of getting fired up and doing things I love (like art or music) I become sad or depressed which I know, logically, doesn’t help at all, but I guess it’s just a habit.

However, some areas of my life have changed a little. I no longer let the dishes pile up on the kitchen sink. I put the dishes away after the dishwasher is finished with them. I clean my house and put things away – I even go through piles of papers that need sorting.

Life’s a continual balancing act!


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