Well I’ve gone and done it again. A mere 2-3 months out of my last 4-year-long relationship I seem to be face to face with another.
Even though I had said to him repeatedly, “just fun, no relationship” I would be kidding both you and me if I said it wasn’t one. I mean the very definition of a relationship would be the fact that you see each other all the time, you’re loyal to one another, you’re intimate and you care about the other with a great deal of love.
I think the whole point of me not wanting another relationship was for a chance to feel free… but I feel free around his guy. The levels of communication are great and if I told him to leave me alone he would.
However I feel like a part of me is reverting, changing because there is a man in my life. Sort of as if that part of me is on autopilot and man = relationship = change to being cute and needed to be protected.
Life is coasting along nicely, although my stomach could be happier. I’ve only got myself to blame though, with the amount of chocolate and other sugary things I’ve put away over the past week or so, I’m actually amazed how well my body stood up to it!
Paying for it ever so slightly today.
I won’t find out whether or not I was successful for the on-going position until later this week, or at the latest, early next week. I was so confident on the day of the interview that I didn’t even second guess myself. Now, however, I don’t feel as confident. Not sure why.
For some reason when my stomach and guts go all funny I delve into a mist of self-doubt and anxiety. There has to be a connection there.
Last Tuesday I went to see a little cockatiel by the name of Cookie.
I was thinking that perhaps Monkey was getting a bit lonely all by himself so I thought I would get him a friend.
Cookie and Monkey hit it off straight away – not sure if it is because Cookie is ACTUALLY a girl (they said it was a boy) or rather the fact that Cookie hadn’t seen another cockatiel before/for a while – but Cookie became rather protective of Monkey. Cookie actually started biting her owners and if I tried to touch Monkey, she would lunge at my hand.
I became a bit worried because the owners of Cookie said she loved cuddles (when you rub a bird’s head) and being around people. If that was the case, then what was this monster I’d suddenly inherited?
However as soon as I split the two up (Cookie came to my house with me and Monkey stayed with Sandy at my ex’s place) Cookie became a lot more comfortable, and now she flies out of her cage just to sit on me at home, sing to me, and bug my hands for cuddles.
So now I’m not too sure what to do. I have a feeling if I put Monkey and Cookie together again the same thing will happen, but I miss Monkey now – he has his own little personality and I miss his querky behaviour.
I was thinking that perhaps Cookie could go and live with my parents for a while?