Wow a whole 15 days late on posting. It’s not that I haven’t tried to write anything – I have, there are a lot of drafts – I just have no idea where to begin, what to add, what to keep out, how to explain myself, and so on.
So I’m going to post this regardless of what it says or how I say it.
This is my birth month and I’ve made a promise that all the bullshit stops when I tick over to 29 years old. Actually, the bullshit is already beginning to stop (all those articles you read where movies stars discover once they reach a certain age or milestone they don’t have to please anybody anymore and just be themselves, is surprisingly true and accurate.)
I’m just beginning to care less and less about the pointless things, like someone laughing at me at the traffic lights because I’m singing a Taylor Swift song at the top of my lungs in my car. What business is it of theirs? I’ll probably never see them again and 9 times out of 10 they don’t give a flying duck anyway.
Life is utterly dull and grey when I’m not doing what I love, so why am I putting off what I love or who I truly am? It makes no sense.
I sort of have my romantic interest to thank for it. Being around someone who encourages spontaneity, I can be completely honest with, respects boundaries and makes me feel good about myself is refreshing. He swears constantly, does what he wants but has a very kind heart. Unfortunately I think he is developing a lot of feelings for me which he calls “bizarre” but I call it “normal for every other guy I’ve been intimate with (and I don’t mean sex)” but he knows I’m not interested in a relationship, but I will be loyal to him while we are seeing each other. I’m a Leo, it’s in my blood.
I’m also continuing to learn a lot with my acupuncturist who is worth her weight in gold and so much more.
My ex boyfriend is slowly driving me insane. He is taking an awful lot from me without giving back and with my new attitude I’m beginning to see that perhaps I am enabling rather than helping half the time.
Both of my parents have now retired, and being with them is an absolute delight… not that it wasn’t before. I had lunch with them a couple of weeks ago and I have never seen my mother laugh so much before in my life and my father slept all night and wasn’t puffy in the face (from his heart.)
Despite how angry I was and kind of still am, for reasons I won’t bore you with, I still felt gratitude for everything in my life this morning as I chucked on my work clothes and watched Monkey yell at me asking me not to leave.
Life is definitely what you make it.