Anxiety · Personal · relationships

Puppies, Break Ups And Change

So after a long, but rather enjoyable day at work yesterday I sat alone in my little flat wondering what to do with myself. I think the hardest part of coming home from a fun-filled holiday is slowing back down again.

However, I didn’t want to slow back down. Slowing down for me is dangerous territory – I don’t want to fall back into old patterns again.

So, I messaged a friend who just brought two new puppies and asked how they were. She replied with, “you should come over and see them!” I rang my ex and asked if he wanted to check them out too – he could take it or leave it, but in the end he came.

They are just utterly adorable!

They are so small that even crunching my fist up into a ball and holding it next to the puppy’s head, my fist would still be much bigger.

I offered to puppy-sit anytime, because, why not!

♦                    ♦                    ♦

I was also on standby last night too – my best friend messaged me earlier in the day saying his girl friend wanted to meet up… and since they have already talked about splitting up, we weren’t expecting a happy meeting.

Around 7 pm I received the message, “can I come over?”

So I left the puppies and headed back home.

He was understandably upset, however it was something that potentially was going to happen anyway – she is going overseas for about 6 months – but she told him that the feelings had just… gone.

There’s not much you can really do if that happens. Feelings are feelings, and if they aren’t there, they aren’t there.

We just chilled out, had a cup of tea, and bugged my bird Monkey for a while while watching some Simpsons. It was quite relaxing.

♦                    ♦                    ♦

Change is a funny thing. Uncomfortable, and yet welcome.

I’ve changed.

In the past I would have shut everyone out while I was trying to deal with an anxiety-filled, emotional crisis. I would have gone full hermit.

This time was the complete opposite. I wanted to be around as many people I knew as possible. When my best friend came over to do a puzzle with me, I didn’t find myself wishing that he would leave after about an hour or so. When he left, I thought to myself, now who can I bug?

Even now that the crisis is over, I still feel that way. I am still excited, still feeling social, still wanting to get out there and not spend any more time by myself.

As ironic as it is, I don’t think anxious or depressed people should be on their own for too long. They know deep down that what they miss is being surrounded by love – but the only way to find it is to make an effort to get to know others.

To find people that will treat them well.

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