So I went to visit my doctor on Wednesday. He asked me how everything was going, and I was happy to say that everything was going well.
He said, “well, what can I do for you then?”
I told him I was out of my Zoloft and needed another prescription. He then became the most progressive doctor in the world and said, “maybe it’s time we think about taking you off it, if everything is going well, and see how you cope.”
I was a little bit surprised, but happy that I might finally be able to see how I am without taking happy pills.
On Thursday morning I cut my tablet into halves, took one, and kept the other.
Everything was going well until Saturday, when I realised a pattern. Not a hugely dramatic one, I was just overly tired and finding it hard to fall asleep (and stay asleep) at night… usual side effects of changing your brain’s chemical makeup.
I had to have a bit of a nap in my ex’s car and I managed to shut the car door on my foot – seems my brain wasn’t aware all of me was in the car – just to name a few.
Anyway, so I go to the movies with my ex and his friends, and get home around 10pm to go to sleep.
The first mistake of the night was to download FaceBook messenger to my phone.
The second was to message a fellow I am friends with, but not like super close to.
The third mistake was, well, pretty much the whole f*cking conversation.
Now, my private, just-for-fun, in my own head was-never-going-to-do-anything-about-it crush has gone public.
There’s nothing particularly wrong with that – he’s a nice guy, I trust him – however, my anxiety has hit the roof.
As everyone else out there does, I got a little too excited.
I’m not interested in a relationship, and I know he’s not either, but for me this kind of thing is absolute HELL on my anxiety. My whole solar plexus is tingling, sending waves of pins and needles to my fingers and toes. My throat is sore JUST FROM ENERGY.
The most annoying this is I know all these sensations and feelings are normal; however my body isn’t quite aware of that fact. I must admit I’m dealing with it a lot better than I probably would have in the past.
Long story short, I took a full dose of Zoloft this morning. I don’t think it’s the right time to stop, don’t you agree.
I’m not entirely sure if I want things to go any further either. Yes, it’s fun, but I think my sanity is a little more important than a little fun.
What do you think?