Last night I went to the next of the Numerology sessions which was based on the number 3.
I don’t have any 3s in my chart, however both my parents are 3s – not just one 3, but numerous 3s.
As I sat listening (and participated in the Dru Yoga designed to help issues 3 can face) an odd feeling washed over me.
Everything the teacher was saying about 3s I identified with. The emotional sensitivity, high emotional intelligence, self-doubt, can’t get the right words out, feeling misunderstood most of the time, struggling around insensitive people, swing wildly between happiness and sadness, nervousness (digestive issues), frustration and anger, repressed expression…
I thought, hang on… I’m not even a 3, in any way. Why am I identifying so much with this?
And then it hit me: Good Lord, nothing is me!
I even wrote that in my notes ^
I thought, who the hell am I?
I realised just how much I’d taken on my parent’s traits.
My 6 had encouraged me to create perfectionism in the form of being exactly like my parents so I never rocked the boat and caused waves (which would have cause imperfection.)
It’s an interesting thought but it sort of makes sense.
I mean, I’m a Leo, a fire sign. I used to skim through all the astrology books about Leos about them wanting to be in the spotlight – to put themselves out there and be noticed. I thought to myself, why the hell do I have anxiety about being in the spotlight then?
Why would I rather be a wallflower than the center of attention?
Why, if I was such a creative soul, could I not get my ideas out?
Because I learned it all.
However, I am someone who believes that everything is designed to be the way it is, so even if I did learn all this, even if I was raised in that environment, there was a reason behind it.
I learned a lot of great things. I now know how to read people’s emotions, how to be empathetic (rather than sympathetic), I can tailor myself to fit those around me so I don’t offend anyone. I now know how to formulate the right words before opening my mouth, and I’ve discovered how to tell the truth without hurting the feelings of others.
This age-old idea that you can be anything, do anything, have anything is finally making sense to me.
You can be anything.
Of course, as a child I didn’t understand all of this but that doesn’t matter.
Here and now I can choose to accept it, and then choose a different path.
Now, I choose to explore my own numbers, my own self, my own energy.
My own life.