Today I had to make an appointment to see my doctor. I’ve run out of my happy pills and I need to get some more.
The weird thing is I am super anxious when the subject of my doctor comes up – not because I’m scared of doctors or being ill, but because I’ve had some of the most terrifying panic attacks at his office.
Of course I know it’s just a part of my survival instincts trying to protect me. The logic is: this place brings on fear, thus, we (we being all parts of myself, because apparently there is more than one) must avoid.
But I also had that intense fear around supermarkets, work, driving… and I’ve managed to overcome it… only by facing it.
The idea I can be so terrified of such an insignificant thing is somewhat laughable.
I mean, today I went to the mall by myself and made the realisation halfway through my shopping that I’d left my phone at home. I was surprised because not even a wave of anxiety went through me. I thought, oh, well that sucks. Now, where should I get socks from?
I know from experience now that anything out of my comfort zone is going to make that part of me over-react.
The problem is, there will always be moments, days, weeks, situations in my life that will be out of that zone. How do I get that part of me not to over-act?
It’s the eternal question of someone who has some sort of anxiety disorder, I suppose.