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Some Of Us Prefer Illusion To Despair

When I heard the above words on The Simpsons it became my favourite quote.

I suppose because, at the time, I was well under the thumb of anxiety and with that controlling my physical existence I spent more time tending to my inner reality.

I preferred going within, making things up in my mind, falling to sleep at night thinking of new worlds and scenarios, sometimes even imagining fights (that’s for the lack of drama my life had).

Even now that I’m regaining my physical self, learning to stand on my feet, I still prefer to daydream half the time.

Why? Well, no amount of things this life can throw at me will ever match what’s in my head. Not only that, but sometimes the things in life can end – where as they always live on in my mind.

For example; this weird crush I have.

I know this person is definitely not a match for me – we would drive each other crazy and he wouldn’t give me what I needed – but that doesn’t mean I can’t be attracted to him.

In my mind I can be overjoyed with what we could do together but in reality it would last but a day or night and then I would have to deal with the awkward “what happens after this moment” crap.

Plus, what if he doesn’t live up to my expectations? I won’t be able to think of him the same way as before because reality (or, logic, rather) always reigns in my head. No matter how hard I would try to convince myself otherwise, the reality would snake it’s way in.

Who needs that?

My crush could last a life time, give me all the creative energy I need, make me feel wonderful, help me to look after myself – and neither of us need do anything!

Don’t get me wrong, I love love. I love being with someone. I love the surprises that reality always seems to dish out. And, as hard as it is for me to admit, I love the emotions and feelings I can experience.

But for me, nothing compares to Illusion.

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One thought on “Some Of Us Prefer Illusion To Despair

  1. Reblogged this on A.R.T. and commented:
    It’s very common to create alternate realities when struggling with mental illnesses (especially anxiety and depression). You’re not alone!

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