Anxiety · Photos

Watching Change; Or, How I Spent The Last 5 Years As A Tree

There’s an eerie feeling that washes over you when you see life change around you. It’s almost as if you were a tree, or an old building, that’s seen the centuries unfold and yet not moved at all.

Today, at work, as I was walking around the building I ran into a co-worker who told me that she was leaving her job. That’s the moment when I had that weird sensation wash over me.

She has been where I have worked almost as long as I have. She’s a staple; I couldn’t imagine my day without her. And yet here she is, telling me she’s had enough and she wants to move on.

Not only that, but her leaving is possibly setting up a chain of events that could lead to a whole new team in that section.

But this isn’t really about my fears and insecurities about the possibilities of that whole situation, it’s more to the fact that I felt like a tree.

Now, don’t get me wrong – I’m not being hard on myself (nor to I dislike being a tree). I know I’ve encountered difficulties in my life that couldn’t have been avoided and it became necessary to hunker down, but I think I got that feeling today because I now know I could be so much more.

I don’t have the “excuse” of Agoraphobia or even GAD anymore. I am capable of moving forward.

But how do you move when you’ve been a tree for so long – your roots are so firmly dug, everything’s so familiar, it’s your home.

I think the thing I’ve found solace in is that’s I’ve grown. Just like a tree reaching up to the heavens, I too have opened my mind, expanded my knowledge, reached inside to pull up all the obstacles and fears in my way even though it was painful; to shed my leaves so to speak so when the Spring comes again I can grow anew.

It all sort of put things in perspective I suppose.

So, anyone got any suggestions on how to move a tree?

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