My night last night was a little disturbed – the howling wind only got more… howl…y… and my adrenaline glands were convinced every hour or so that the rustling of the leaves outside my new apartment window was someone tip-toeing in my home; thus, I woke up every hour or so.
Despite that, I was still ready and willing to hop it to work. I decided to go the “long way” – which actually takes the same amount of time, but just seems longer – but when I got to where the two ways meet, the traffic was all but absent. Usually I go the “long way” on week days because of the traffic going the “short way.”
Never-the-less, it was nice to get out of the cold and indoors.
Last night I was thinking about work as I brushed my teeth, and about how when I first started my contract here I had a lot of work to do and so the days went by in the flash. Now that the seasons are changing here in Australia we are moving into the “quiet” period, so that usually means less visitors and thus more time to stare at my shoes. I sort of wished that I had projects to do at work again as I scrubbed away.
However, as if by pure magic, when I sat down at the team’s morning meeting, I found myself dragged in by two new projects. One is taking volunteers on a special tour during the first week of May, and the other is taking over some duties left behind by a co-worker who has gone on holidays.
Be careful what you wish for!
I kid – of course I am thankful for the work – it’s not as if I am under the thumb by any means.
This morning some part of me was asking me why I was being “fake happy.” Not so much in those words, but every time I laughed at something, made a face, sang along to a song on my way into work, I would have that pang from somewhere within giving me a critical feeling.
I didn’t, and still don’t, think I’m being fake happy – I’m not entirely sure where that came from. Either way, I asked that feeling what it’s problem was, exactly – as to not “ignore” it as I’ve learnt isn’t a very good way to overcome something – and while I did get a couple of feeling responses that part of me didn’t really want to negotiate… so I stuck my tongue out and made a farting noise at it.
I know the idea is comical – having a fight with yourself – but I’m sure pretty much everyone has experienced it. I just don’t want to be dragged down that slippery slope, you know?
I am happy.