I think I’m at the stage (age?) now where I have to start seriously considering what career path to take.
I’ve given myself some leeway, as there’s not much I could focus on while gripped by autoimmune problems or in the depths of overwhelming Agoraphobia, but now that I am much, MUCH better, I realise that with independence comes great responsibility.
I absolutely love my job – it’s a great place to work, great pay, flexible hours, good work/life balance – but I don’t see myself being here forever… and my contract isn’t on-going anyway.
I often talk to my father about it who says, “I wouldn’t worry about it, you’ll fall into the right thing eventually” and “that’s the problem with being a jack-of-all-trades, it’s hard to pick just one thing to focus on.”
It’s also becoming an issue because my mother will be retiring soon, so that means the life support I sometimes rely too heavily on might no longer be an option. I realise that I have to start looking after myself, not just from the perspective of the health of my physical body, the state of my emotional mind, or being able to buy the things I need week to week, I have to start thinking about my life on a much grander scale.
How am I going to support myself? Do I want to start saving for my own place? How serious am I about pursuing a musical career? Should I start to study something to do with health? Can I see myself making a living off visual art? Shall I give being an author a shot?
What’s important to me and my life?
Now that I’m out of the thick fog that was constant, debilitating anxiety, I can see pretty clearly that I should start to get my shit together. No more riding on the coattails of my family – basically because I no longer need (or want) to.
The one thing I have going for me is my looks; and by that I mean I don’t look like a 28 year-old going on 29. When I ask people how old they “think” I am, the response is usually “23” or “25”. If I think of myself as just that – a young woman fresh out of university – it takes a lot of that “but I’m almost 30, my life is winding down now” attitude out of the equation.
Of course I know there is no age limit to life, only your attitude towards it. I’d like to think I’m an out-of-the-box type of person but when I’m all alone at night, not putting any restrictions on the things I muse on, I find out that I actually do hold a lot of limitations for myself.
When you know you can be, or do, or have anything, where do you start?