All day at work yesterday I was thinking about what to do when I got home; should I continue to pretend everything is fine when it’s not, or do I just bite the bullet and do what’s right for me?
In the end, when I shied away from my partner’s advances he knew something was wrong. “You’re breaking up with me, aren’t you?” I began to cry as I nodded my head. I hugged him tightly and then we separated – he continued to clean while I tried to keep myself busy.
About 5 minutes later he grabbed my hand and dragged me to the bed. We talked, mostly about why I’d decided to “give up” rather than give us a chance, now that we’d cleared the air and were committed to helping each other more. I tried to explain myself, while the two of us fought back the tears (rather unsuccessfully).
I told him I wasn’t going anywhere, and he is still an important person in my life (my best friend, regardless of an intimate relationship or not).
It all went a lot better than I expected. It was almost as if nothing changed – even though I had to make it clear we were breaking up – and of course, he ended up hugging me off and on throughout the night.
I think he has it in his head that he could still win me back and perhaps that’s why he took it so well. Also, it has been building up over the past 3 days.
What made it REALLY hard was the fact that I broke up with him only to walk into the office afterwards to find a huge bouquet of flowers – red roses, orange lilies and some other blue flower. I broke down like a baby when I saw that.
He has been trying extra hard lately, although, like I said, I’m not sure if it’s just fear of losing me or if he has turned a corner.
Like he said, “we don’t know what’s going to happen” so we’ll see.
He’s making it hard for me to set my boundaries, sending me a message this morning saying “love you, beautiful!” I know that other people would tell me to stop talking to him, move out, cut ties – but that’s something I can’t do. I made a promise to him that no matter what, I wouldn’t leave him high and dry. He’s still an important part of my life and I always make the effort to “do unto others as you’d have them do unto you.”
I’ve never had to break up with a partner before, so I think that went quite well?
All the stress and sadness weakened my immune system too, so I went to bed with a tickle in the back of my nose and woke up with a cold!