Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

Mostly because I’ve never been the one to do it before…

I don’t particularly know how to structure everything going on in my head at the moment. This weekend has sort of been quite hard – I think I am mighty close to breaking up with my partner, however every time I see him upset I want to comfort him by saying something nice and reassuring him that everything is okay between us…

…but I think I’m doing more harm than good. I now know why people break up over phone or message, or via a letter left on the kitchen bench. I’m someone who faces the music though. I’m just not the kind of person who would cut and run, especially from someone who has been a real soul mate to me.

Ever since all this happened, my partner has been extra kind to me. Yesterday, when I came home from work, he greeted me at the door, took my car keys and hung them on the hook for me, put my bag down and gave me a great big hug. He even offered me a foot rub! Not saying that he isn’t a sweet man, but it has been a long time since I received such treatment.

It’s hard because I know that this is only his fear of losing me amping up. The hardest part of this all is the fact that I think my heart has made up it’s mind to move on but he still has his future pinned on me. Usually, I am on the opposite side of this – I am the one on the back end of a break up. I have absolutely no idea how to end a relationship, and like I said before, every time I see him upset I can’t stand it.

The other difficult part is the fact that we’ve already had “the talk” and we both vowed to try harder to help each other with our dreams and such, but to tell you the truth I breathe a great, big sigh of relief when I think about us going our separate ways.

And I’ve always thought that asking the question, “should I be with such-and-such?” was a clear indication that there’s doubt and you possibly shouldn’t.

I’ve been asking that question for, dare I say it, the whole relationship…

I was talking to someone the other day about it all, about my fears and future paths, and she said to me, “but it’s not anyone else’s life, is it? It’s yours, and you have to come first.”


4 thoughts on “Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

  1. It’s the hardest thing to do, but sometimes the grass IS greener on the other side. Your friend is so right, it’s your life, your decision but your happiness always comes first. Good luck!

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