So my goal list is taking some considerable time to complete, not because the tasks are hard, but I am finding my enthusiasm waning. That being said I have not gone back on the deal I made – no “social media” or “social games” on my phone or computer until the list is done. I think that’s the first time in a while where I’ve actually kept my word to myself. Usually it is, “I’ll stop eating processed sugar from now on!” and two days later I am sitting on the couch with a jar of Nutella thinking quietly to myself: I’ll start again tomorrow.
Every time my finger has hovered over the little Instragram icon, or I’ve thought about logging into FaceBook to pass time at work, I have firmly said no and busied myself with something else.
I’ve actually felt quite healthier and that my time is being used much better, if not to finish the tasks on my goal list, I’ve spent more time reading, cooking, keeping the place neat and tidy, and getting out of the house more. I haven’t concerned myself with how many people have “liked” my pictures, if anyone is getting in touch with me, or what others around me are doing.
There is a lot less comparing, and feeling bad about not being more like other people or having a more exciting life. I’ve made more of an effort to see my friends, or at aleast invite them over if I don’t feel well enough to drive. I’ve also felt less mousy, more independent and generally have more energy even though some of my symptoms of anxiety/health are playing up.
I managed to get started on notating one of my songs last night, half because my partner dragged me into the office kicking and screaming because earlier I had hinted at us doing work together, but mostly because our next door neighbours and the neighbours across the road were both having Australia Day BBQ’s, and come 11 PM there was still no hint of noise lowering. I managed to write 2 bars worth, which doesn’t really sound like a lot, but when you’re half asleep and the last time you notated any music was 10 years ago, I think I did quite well.
Still a fair way off completing my list, but and least I can say I really believe in myself now.