Anxiety is an extremely selfish thing, but somewhat necessary in learning to say “No.”
For a long time in my life it was the goal to make others around me happy – not because that’s how I was taught (although my parents were always nice to others) but it was just part of my nature. I wanted others to be happy, because if they were happy, I was happy.
It wasn’t until very recently, over the last year, that I’ve come to realise that this is the very height of trying to alter the outer environment so I can feel good. I’m glad I came to this highlighting conclusion – now I can see that it’s more important that I am happy FIRST and spread that to people rather than the other way around. I finally glad that.
Anxiety helped me to develop the all-important word “no” but I’m finding that it’s as if No took over and now it’s the only logical conclusion to ANY outside situation I find confronting or uncomfortable. I gave No leeway in my life and now it’s running amok with everything! Like that old saying goes “give someone an itch and they’ll take a mile.”
I’ve given myself permission to only do things if they make me happy, but often in life there are some things we just have to do regardless of whether we want to or not.
If I feel anxious about social situations but my partner wants to do something extremely social like a BBQ then so be it!
If I don’t particularly want to be at work and can think of many things I could be doing at home instead that are much more fun and pleasant, well I’m sorry, Me, but you’ll just have to suck it up.
Like anything in life I’m just searching for balance – in this case between “yes” and “no”.