Personal

Love Or Fear?

Even though last night’s sleep was terrible – I have an awful crick in my neck from playing poker all weekend – and I was woken at 7:45 am by my neighbours doing some sort of landscaping work, this morning has been very productive.

When I get in this productive mood I tend to become a tad mechanical – whatever gets the job done right and fast is the way to go.

When I walked into the laundry to drop off some dirty clothes I spotted a medium-sized daddy long legs spider sitting on the wall right next to the clothes basket. Since I was in my productive mood my first reaction to this was to “get it out of the way” so I blew it hoping it would fall on the floor.

That sort of backfired – it just landed closer to the lid of the basket. The only thing for it now was to get rid of it.

I grabbed a piece of paper towel and got ready to smoosh it.

But then I stopped to think about what I was doing.

Of course it is easy for me to get rid of the spider – I’m huge and this little tiny creature was no match for me or my paper towel.

The more I looked at the spider and the paper towel in my hand the more I thought about who I am – and the action I was contemplating was out of pure fear.

I mean, if there was a lady bug or a butterfly on the wall I wouldn’t maliciously squash it. There isn’t anything to fear about a spider (unless it is one of those particularly aggressive ones like the funnel web or a very poisonous one like the red-back) and so I stopped what I was about to do and decided to be myself – a person that loves nature.

So I did my best to scoop up the daddy long legs and carried it out to the backyard. I waited patiently for it to wander off the paper towel and onto the garden bed and then came back inside.

The spider will probably make it’s way back inside the house again.

I’m quite happy. It’s a bit of a stepping stone for me – to not react. I know it doesn’t sound like a big deal but my anxiety stems from reacting. The more I have moments like this, where I stop and think rather than just auto-pilot everything, the more I will perhaps be able to retrain that fear-based feed back.

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