So I went to see my doctor this morning to talk about my current anti-anxiety medication (which is an anti-depressant) and it was decided that I would switch to one that only affected serotonin in the brain and left the noradrenaline part alone.
He asked me if the medication was helping my anxiety at all and to be perfectly honest I have no idea. I am too tired from lack of sleep to leave the house and attempt anything. I did go for a drive late last week, but instead of helping in any way, the drug added shaking hands and unwanted bowel movements to the list of symptoms.
I think the lady in the shop felt sorry for me as I handed her my hand with shaky hands, as if I was a small child going shopping alone for the first time. She called me “dear” and commented with lovely, big brown eyes that the hummus I was buying was “very nice.”
So I’ll be moving across to a new medication this week to see what happens, as “tremors” is pretty common in the other anti-depressants except the one I’m switching to.
Now that I better understand the medication I am on, I realise now why I can’t really sleep. If I have more noradrenaline lingering in my brain of course I’m not going to be able to rest peacefully.
Despite the lack of energy I am feeling rather creative today… I feel like painting or drawing, or learning something new. You know, being ilke my childhood self who would shut herself away in her room for hours and do things just for the fun of it. I think that’s how I’ll discover what I really want to do with my time, what I want my career to be, and how I want to express myself.
No judgement. Just fun.