The last time I went to see the guy who looks after my health he said, “you probably won’t need to come see me again for a while, but make an appointment in around 6 months anyway – just to make sure!”
Alas, things have taken a turn for the worst and I need to go see him as soon as I can – which will be 2 pm today at his new clinic. I’ve never been to the new place because I often opt for seeing him at his home office, it’s more comfortable for me. However I don’t think I can put this off and just “wait and see” if the stuff I’m doing is going to make me better.
I spent most of last night feeling very unwell, to the point of wanting to use my mouth as a food escape. It didn’t happen but it was damn near close! I felt so sick that I reverted to my animal-crawls-away-to-be-alone-and-pass-away phase, leaving my partner to sleep on the couch. I hate doing that.
This morning I woke pretty depressed, in a sort of “what’s the point in getting out of bed” fashion. Anxiety, panic attacks, sickness after meals, feeling generally off, fatigue, nothing that I’m doing is helping, gradually losing my independence to the point of reverting to childhood.
But eventually I got up, reminded myself that I’ve felt like this before and the best thing to do now is seek out help. This guy always manages to pull me out of illness and back to feeling normal.
Sure, I am so definitely over this yo-yoing health stuff but really, what choice do I have? It grates on my nerves, almost as if great health is dangled in front of me for a moment and then taken away at the last minute, week in, week out of my life… but what choice do I have? Give up? Or try, try again.
And I’ve never been one to give up.