I was just on my bed in the dark listening to a recording; the recording was of a man talking about “normal” and “change”, and how you can’t have both together – a lot of frustration comes from wanting change but then wanting things to go back to normal at the same time when it has changed.
It’s funny how seemingly random things line up in my life like this, but it was exactly what I needed to hear.
I think the problem I face at the moment is I’m trying to create a better life, free of anxiety and panic, to return to “normal” and live “normally”…
…but if I think of my past, my normal is anxiety. I’ve always experienced it in one way or another all through childhood, my teen years and then things just got worse from there.
In order to get to where I want to be, I have to forgo normal because “normal” has no place in my life anymore. I’m reaching for a place beyond normal so I can’t expect the same results.
I can’t expect the same feelings or the same experiences to feed my soul anymore, because they just won’t.
I’ve never been on this path before – but I would prefer to not know and change, than to stay the same and be comfortable in my “normal.”