So I did it, I went to my Yoga class.
Anxiety made it a little difficult, especially since I was feeling a little under the weather, and even when I was half-way-through the possess I still felt like grabbing my things and running to the car.
It wasn’t until right at the end, just before we lay on our mats and were guided through a relaxation meditation, that I finally felt better.
I don’t feel magically better or anything – if anything the Yoga dislodged a lot of toxic build-up in my body, so when I got home I had a period of time feeling far away and lethargic. Thankfully it passed and now I’m just feeling pretty relaxed and less tense.
I keep forgetting when I feel anxious or panicked that I am supposed to be feeling it in that moment. It’s difficult because you can’t ignore how it makes you feel. I suppose it’s good in a way because my logical mind gets put on the back-burner and I can finally just experience something without all that chitter-chatter constantly going on in my mind. It’s unfortunate it has to be something so scary.
I’m feeling anxious because a) it’s a new situation and b) because I’ve trained myself to react that way in new situations.
All I have to do is notice it, accept it and try and convince myself that this new situation should be greeted with excitement and change rather than anxiety and the belief that I won’t be able to handle it.
I’ve been studying how our definitions or beliefs change the way we see our world, but it hasn’t been until very recently that I’ve finally really understood it emotionally. I guess probably because I’ve stopped blaming the situations/circumstances/people in my past, recognising that it gets me nowhere. Sure, I was an awkward, shy, over-emotional kid who didn’t really know how to fit in to the energy of the world, but I have tools now, so much information available to learn how to be strong.
Why would I hang onto the past when I have a future to look towards?
I can spend my days trying to better myself or I could spend them wrapped up in my problems that, to be perfectly literal, don’t even exist anymore.