It’s no secret; I have been feeling so utterly cut off and down-in-the-dumps today. Well, if it was a secret, it’s out now!
I honestly sit here today feeling the worst I have in a while, and the only connection my brain can make is the lapse in diet. Don’t get me wrong, for someone with food intolerances I have done mighty well to stomach some of the stuff I have – but instead of the food affecting my stomach and guts it seems it has gone after my lust for life.
A list of things I have eaten in the last 2 days that I would normally never touch:
Top Deck Dairy Milk Chocolate – half a block (oh, yes – you heard me.)
Cheese Pull-Apart Bread (not Gluten-Free, shock-horror.)
Small Chewy CandiesTomato Sauce
Hot Fried Chips
They are the ones I can recall, but I’m sure there has been more.
While I am overjoyed that eating those things didn’t make me sick-to-my-stomach or given me very painful cramps, bloating, yadda-yadda, blah-blah, I have realised that I have been affected in other ways. My thought processes are a lot slower, the brain fog has returned, but perhaps the most intriguing of all is that I am depressed.
It’s interesting… depression… for someone who is having the most wonderful days of sunlight, working in the garden, doing my exercises to increase my muscle strength, hanging out with my beautiful cockatiels, and most of all, a renewed passion in my relationship. For someone who, just two days ago, was feeling all warm and fuzzy inside and so very grateful for everything, to have that all turned on it’s head so quickly is beyond me.
And no, I don’t think I have… golly, I can’t even recall the name of it… where you’re happy one minute but sad the next… Bipolar, that’s the one. No, I don’t think I am. I think the reason may be a little closer to home – and that is, my diet.
When I stick to eating fresh, healthy foods I don’t find myself in this situation. I think clearly, I don’t feel like an empty carton or as if someone has pulled the cord out of me, and I can tell you right now I am an expert in turning my thoughts around and improving my mood which makes me confused because it is unattainable right now – I cannot, for the life of me, lift myself back up.
I most certainly am not rude, indifferent, jealous or angry – at the moment I can’t help but be anything but that… but there is no reason, dear reader! There is no purpose to feel the way I do – I’m not angry about something someone has done to me, I’m not thinking about anything from my past, my partner is nothing but sweet to me…
Actually, it reminds me a lot of what happens to people when they “crash” from coffee, or energy drinks, or alcohol. Bears with sore heads.
Well, looks like I’ll have to be one for a little while. I just hope I can ignore the feeling; ignore the storm and just let it pass. I’ll go ahead and figure out a nice, healthy, rejuvenating dinner for my partner and I.
I might have to consult a recipe book for this task because all my brain is picturing is a table completely covered in chocolate.