Screw You, Anxiety!

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking (and reading) and I’ve come to the conclusion that a majority of people live their life in the expectation of disappointment. I mean, everyone knows that when things are going your way there will be an inevitable “fall”, right? Things can’t stay great for long – normal, or often, “bad” is programmed to be our natural default.

That’s why I’ve decided to up my optimism by at least 30% for 30 days.

Why? Well, why not?

I don’t want “bad” to be my default anymore, hey, I don’t want anxiety and panic attacks to be my default anymore. That’s the ultimate negative default right there, isn’t it. I expect it so much I’ve programmed myself to be fearful of everything! That’s not the way I intend to live.

I want to be in a place where the life I live has awesomeness as it’s default and to have something “bad” happen to me is an absolute shock because it happens so infrequently.

Of course, this is all a game of perception and perspective. What matters most is how I react to the world around me, Yes, I’m playing the ol’ “Happiness Is A Choice” card, but I’m beginning to see the validity of that saying.

This has all been going on for 6 days now. I started last Thursday and today is Tuesday. Have things changed drastically in my life? No, not really, but what I’m noticing most of all is a change in me.

Let me be clear here – this is not FORCED optimism. I’m not looking at something that I don’t like and forcing myself to like it, no no. That’s like trying to push a cart up a hill, but you’ve also taken the wheels off the cart and it’s raining heavily. I’ve tried forcing happiness within myself and it just doesn’t work – any anxious or depressed person will tell you that. IMPOSSIBLE, they say. You can’t jump from feeling overwhelmed by life to, hey, perhaps life isn’t so bad after all.

This is just searching for things every day that make me feel good and choosing to enjoy a moment, any moment, for what it is rather than what I feel it should be.

So, the change. Well, today, instead of wondering around the house, getting lost in YouTube, starting at my unfinished paintings, staring at my birds, watching T.V. shows and waiting for my partner to come home, I really felt like doing something – and let me tell you, I can’t remember the last time I felt like that.

So, I decided to jump in my car and take a drive. I did need to pick something up from the supermarket, but the object of the outing was to just explore, drive, see where I go. Also, I have to admit, I’m craving the sunlight too – it’s been so overcast and windy/rainy lately.

It went well. I even braved a supermarket I wasn’t familiar with, and picked up some art supplies from a little craft shop that I found out is actually moving to my suburb in a couple of weeks! SURPRISE!

Naturally, I have the underlying nervousness that this feeling good won’t last, but I think the main thing to remember is I always have control over how I feel. So, technically, it can last.

This post is long! I’ll just leave some words for myself. Maybe they’ll help someone else out there:



5 thoughts on “Screw You, Anxiety!

  1. I’ve tried myself to “force happiness” I find it’s like you end up feeling like you’re lying to yourself instead of making yourself feel better. I hope staying positive works for you and makes you feel better. It’s hard it’s super hard so I’m sending positive vibes your way!

  2. Happiness IS a choice! And I know you can make that choice everyday just by how strong and supportive of a person you are. You have supported me so well over this plane, you can so do this for yourself! Have you thought about trying the “100 Days of Happiness” Challenge? And maybe do it for 30?

    1. I think the 100 Days of Happiness Challenge will be too much like trying to force it. I’m just liking focusing myself for myself. I don’t think it really matters how I do it, as long as I make the choice to do it every day.

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