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Struggling A Bit

I don’t know where else to say this, or who to say it to, so I guess it’ll just have to be here.

I’ve been strong over the past year and things were going really well up until recently. I have made huge accomplishments. I’ve;

  • been on a cruise for 8 days, going on bus rides and tours with strangers and having pretty much no trouble with my anxiety
  • I was getting back into work, where I could last all day and have no problems
  • Going out with my partner was fun again, because I didn’t feel sick, wasn’t so constricted, and we had enough money to cover it (’cause I was working.)
  • Thinking more and more about what I could accomplish, how to get my dreams off the ground, and be a better friend to those who have stood by me
  • Getting out, exploring my town, getting involved…

And now I sit here and write this, after being in tears, feeling totally let down.

I don’t really know what to do about my health anymore. I’ve tried everything, and I’ve tried doing nothing.

This yo-yoing of feeling great and being scared of my own body is eating away at me. One minute I’m free and the next I’m not. I don’t want to feel sorry for myself – in fact, I’m over it. This is just getting ridiculous.

So I’m just writing this to get it off my chest.

God, I can’t believe it is already the middle of the year. I don’t want another one to just slip by.

Artful

 

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2 thoughts on “Struggling A Bit

  1. I think (and I really have no idea because I can’t manage to do this myself very often!) you need to hang onto all of the things you mentioned at the beginning because they’re huge accomplishments and try not to see how you feel now as any sort of setback.
    Okay, sorry I sound like I am regurgitating a CBT textbook or something like that.
    I can’t believe it’s almost July. It feels like time is moving too quickly.

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