I don’t know where else to say this, or who to say it to, so I guess it’ll just have to be here.
I’ve been strong over the past year and things were going really well up until recently. I have made huge accomplishments. I’ve;
- been on a cruise for 8 days, going on bus rides and tours with strangers and having pretty much no trouble with my anxiety
- I was getting back into work, where I could last all day and have no problems
- Going out with my partner was fun again, because I didn’t feel sick, wasn’t so constricted, and we had enough money to cover it (’cause I was working.)
- Thinking more and more about what I could accomplish, how to get my dreams off the ground, and be a better friend to those who have stood by me
- Getting out, exploring my town, getting involved…
And now I sit here and write this, after being in tears, feeling totally let down.
I don’t really know what to do about my health anymore. I’ve tried everything, and I’ve tried doing nothing.
This yo-yoing of feeling great and being scared of my own body is eating away at me. One minute I’m free and the next I’m not. I don’t want to feel sorry for myself – in fact, I’m over it. This is just getting ridiculous.
So I’m just writing this to get it off my chest.
God, I can’t believe it is already the middle of the year. I don’t want another one to just slip by.