Falling In Love With Life Again

Problem with illness, either physical or mental, is we fall out of love with life. After all, who would like it if you were in pain constantly, or reminded of your own shortcomings day in, day out?

Sometimes those pick-me-up sayings fall short to uplift the heart, and days when nothing seems to pull you out of a fog.

I don’t really want to focus too much on the negatives. I’ve spent at least 10 years now focusing too much there – and where has it got me? Seriously? Where? It hasn’t helped me reach my goals, that’s for sure.

I’m gradually learning to love life – it’s not easy, because I am still faced with the same challenges. Just because I choose to focus on the positives, to have more fun and be willing to give things ago, doesn’t mean I’ll wake up one morning and my physical/mental ailments will have magically vanished. It’s a work in progress, one that’s hard, but definitely worth it.

I had a big dream early this morning; it was long, but there’s one part of it that stuck out like a sore thumb when I was awake.

I was traveling somewhere on a train or bus, and I was watching the scenery outside. Then, as I was passing by a huge lake/sea with mountains all around, I spotted a wild stallion standing alone on a platform in the middle of that lake.

image source:

Exactly the same colour as this beautiful beast ^

I remember a wild mane; she was throwing her head about, trotting up and down on the spot, almost jumping for joy…

…and then she jumped right off the platform! Right into the dark, murky, “can’t see the bottom” water.

I was surprised as I watch the pure joy of the horse now that she was in the lapping water – she seemed to love it. I was also surprised that she was doing this at all – for one thing, who knows what is in that water? For another, water isn’t exactly a horses “friend” – they can’t easily get out again once they’re in – and she was up to her head in it, all the way out in the middle!

Then I thought more about the pure joy this creature was having. She didn’t care about all the things I was worried about, the only thing on her mind was the fun and excitement of it all.

And that’s when it hit me.

Life is a little like that giant, murky lake and we are all standing on that platform every day. If I was there with the horse, I would still be on that platform while she was having the time of her life. I don’t know what the future is going to bring,  and I’m letting past experiences of my last “jumps” get in the way of trying a new one.

We never know if something is going to pay off or not, but I think we do more damage to our self-esteem and growth if we don’t take a chance in the first place.

My dream was, hopefully, encouraging me to be like this horse – even though I don’t know what’s in the water, even though I can’t see past the first action step of jumping – doesn’t mean I should stop enjoying the moment, stop enjoying life all together, and most importantly, JUMP! Sometimes we might find ourselves “up to our necks” but that doesn’t mean we won’t be able to handle it.

Wow, that was a lot of words to say “enjoy life more!” but there you have it.

I have to learn to take a few more “jumps” and what’s more, enjoy myself.



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