Anxiety · Personal

The Hanged Man

One of the meanings behind The Hanged Man in a tarot deck is encouragement to do the total opposite of what is “logical” in order to get results. Step back, take a look at how you’ve been trying to get to a goal, and go about it in a different way.

I’ve been trying to push a cart to the very top of hill for a long time – overwhelming over the past six years – and I get the feeling that I’m going about it the hard way.

  • Perhaps it’s the fact that I’m trying to push it alone?
  • Perhaps it would be easier to pull rather than push?
  • I should probably take a look at the design of the cart – maybe some alterations could be made?
  • Are there things on the cart I could jettison to make things easier?

I am, of course, speaking in metaphors, but I wonder if I’m going about my anxiety the right way. Am I blocking my progress by thinking about it all the wrong way? There are still small things I feel uncomfortable doing, and so I avoid them. They include things such as:

  • Driving on a major road to go to see my doctor (and having to wait for the appointment too) alone.
  • Going to a meditation class that sounds perfect for relaxing my mind, yet can’t get over the hurdle of the first-time awkwardness in my mind.
  • Driving to and from work. Granted, this has a lot to do with my ability to last a whole day comfortably, but it should be something I am focused on achieving.
  • Visiting a friend. Any friend. Anywhere.
  • Even accepting a new job or anything that sounds fun just because it is too far away from where I live.

 

You know, I don’t really have a plan, but I know that I should be doing something.

I don’t want to be complacent anymore and I sure as shit don’t want to end up with Agoraphobia again, confined to my house, screaming on the inside that I shouldn’t be this way and wondering if I’ll ever be normal again.

I have accepted anxiety as a part of my personality – my guess is if it has been there since I was a child, it will probably always be around – but now I have to figure out how I can co-exist with it and perhaps even use it to my advantage.

The Hanged Man.

 

 

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