About 4 years ago I was working at a cafe. I had been working there for a while and trying my best to get out and meet people, make new friends and generally come out of my shell. Unfortunately for me, there was no one my age to really hang out with – that was until a girl who had been working at the other store came to work at mine.
Eventually I worked up the nerve to ask her to have a beer with me after work. We got on pretty well. I didn’t really know how to act, as I hadn’t really had to make friends with anyone since high school, but it we chatted and laughed, and seems we had enough in common to keep hanging out.
We don’t see each other a lot, and due to my anxiety we don’t really get to do anything too fun, but when we do get together we usually bring lots of snacks to munch on as we watch a movie or chat about what’s going on in our lives.
Today was another of those “can you come to my place?” days, as my stomach kept me awake all night for some reason (perhaps it doesn’t like satay?) and she obliged.
We started to chat as I prepared some snacks for us and I asked her how her relationship was going. She got a bit of a puzzled look on her face and told me that they had been fighting a lot lately.
See, her boyfriend had recently moved into her apartment, and the issues that you don’t have as a couple before that suddenly appear. I told her that it was normal for couples to get that way – it’s a new environment, a new situation, and two people who are used to doing their own thing suddenly have to accommodate each other.
She understood that, but went on to explain that he acted very strangely when they did fight.
“He doesn’t speak to me at all,” she said.
I scrunched up my nose.
She went on to explain a fight they had and the fact that afterwards he didn’t speak to her for a week. A WEEK! Then there was the time he told her “I don’t really like you right now” and whining about the fact that she is a stubborn person who doesn’t listen.
I don’t know about any of you, but my alarm bells started ringing. She has known this man for 5 years now – they have dated for a while, until he had to move to Sydney and he decided the relationship was doomed so he broke up with her, only to start messaging her again and win her back – so I can understand that feelings are at play here…
…but I don’t know. I have been with guys that have acted that childish and it’s a terrible thing to have to deal with. A grown-up relationship is a partnership; you have to work together to make things comfortable, and you have to be friends. It made me appreciate my partner even more – how much we actually do communicate and how much of a best friend he is to me – and made me want to tell her to move on.
I want my friend to be happy and I kind of feel like she won’t be in this particular relationship. I just can’t get over the fact that he has already broken up with her once. That being said, I didn’t ask her about any of the good things they have going. Only she can ever really decide.
So I gave the best advice I could, saw her safely off, and then showered my partner in love, kisses and laughter.