So I have no idea why I feel so terrible.
Oh no, wait, I do.
The simple fact that I was doing really well before I went on my “holiday” and now I literally can’t stand up properly. Getting asked to take shifts at work but having to turn them down because I’m sure I’ll wake with the same uneasy feeling I’ve had the past 3 days after getting off that stinking boat. Taking a car ride has me on the edge of my seat, feeling panicked and tired.
It’s not really the way I wanted to come home.
A holiday for me is a time to relax. I prefer a nice cabin on the beach or in the forest, away from cities, away from people, just me and nature. Don’t get me wrong, I loved seeing a part of Australia I’ve never seen before and is beautiful, but the way it all happened was too much.
My father said, “your mother and I are very proud of what you did – there’s no way you’d be able to do that a year ago.” It was a huge accomplishment, yes, but one that has sort of made me a little more depressed about my life.
If I can’t handle 7 days of travel, not even leaving my home country, how could I ever live the dreams I have carved out in my head? How could I make it for hours on a jet plane? How could I deal with the stress that tours would bring about, let alone all the energy that goes into performing?
I don’t know. I’m just down.
I don’t understand why I can’t just be normal. I try my hardest to.
I love all you anxiety suffers out there. My heart is with you all tonight.