How To Eat Too Much Chocolate

Step 1:

Buy several bars of chocolate during a craving. I buy dark chocolate; apparently it is better for you, and for some reason, milk chocolate makes me feel sick (well, sicker than dark chocolate, anyway.)

Step 2:

Eat enough to satisfy craving.

Step 3:

Watch a series of TV shows/a movie/YouTube videos and continue to eat. That way, you have no idea how much you are consuming.

Step 4:

Stop when you realise it is bedtime soon and you don’t want to have nightmares during R.E.M sleep.

Step 5:

Have nightmares.

Step 6:

Spend most of the next day thinking about said nightmares. What was all that about? Being undercover at a resort, then running from a crazed maniac? Fun.

Step 7:

Make sure you have hardly any other food in the house besides the chocolate – that way, when you’re bored/hungry you’ll pick up the chocolate and eat it.

Step 8:

Realise you’ve over-done it. Drink some fizzy water. Claim to the universe that you’re never eating chocolate again.

Step 9:

Eye off the chocolate in the fridge.


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