Ah, I wish it would just RAIN. Stop with all this humidity already.
Ever since I can remember, I’ve always gravitated toward the company of males.
I’m not entirely sure why that is, perhaps it’s just their easy-going approach. What I’ve noticed over the last few years is how much I miss having girl friends, especially now that I’m not the same person I was in high school.
Don’t get me wrong, I had my fair share of girl friends all through-out school – I mean, in Primary School it’s a tad abnormal for the two sexes to mingle a lot until they start getting a bit older. It was the same in high school; I had girl friends and guy friends, and hung out with them pretty evenly.
There was one thing, however, that I liked most about hanging out with my close guy friends – there was no competition. No “who liked this band first” no “who can sleep with this senior first” (yes, that was actually a conversation between two of my closest girl friends) and not a lot of drama. I was in no way a girls girl, I didn’t really like make-up or buying clothes (at least clothes that everyone else was wearing) and since I had a hard time with an intense guy when I was 16, I was really just over flirting and talking about guys.
Now I’m 26 years old and I’ve come to realise that all the illness (both physical and mental) has meant I haven’t much enjoyed a lot of my young adult life, not to mention the fact that I’m not going to be young forever. In 4 years I’ll be 30, in another 10 I’ll be 40 – and these past years have just flown by. Everyone who is older says that time just keeps going faster and faster, and I contemplate how much I’m missing out on.
The thing I would love to have more of in my life right now are girl friends, especially since I realise that a good social circle is the main thing I’m missing. I did mention before that I had been watching a TV series called “The Hills” and, apart from all the drama, I sit and admire their friendships. There is something a girl friend can offer you that a good guy friend can’t. They will always be guys. Now that I’m starting to explore a different side of myself, I have realised that the support I need is the kind you can only get from females.
The one girl I did turn to for that kind of energy is now in Canada (hey! :)) and I will be the first to say that I am socially awkward. I haven’t had to make friends since school, and it just doesn’t come naturally to me – especially since all the anxiety has caused me to become reserved and cautious. It’s not an excuse, it’s just a bad, bad habit that needs practise on, I guess. Girls also tend to be very cliquey, and it’s hard to break into circles if they’ve been friends for a while (is it the same everywhere, or just cause I live in the city?)
Not having friends to chill out with also puts a lot of strain on a relationship, especially if you live together. Half the things I get annoyed at my partner for I would not even bother with if I had another friends. Right now he has to be my boyfriend, my best friend, my shrink and my girl friend. That’s one hell of a load for someone to take on, and I feel bad for him. Especially since, you know, he’s not a girl.
I do have my partner to thank for embracing my sexuality though. He encourages me to be a woman – because that’s what I am. There are still boyish traits about me, but I have suppressed the girlish ones for a little too long. I have definitely grown out of enjoying being called “one of the guys” and am much happier being called “sexy.”
That being said, I’ll always be a little rough around the edges.