I’m laying in bed. It’s too chilly out there, where there’s no doona.
My mother is coming to get myself and my partner. We’re going back to my hometown to have lunch at the farm and then drive my old car back.
I worked yesterday, and I was absolutely exhausted when I got home. My partner says I’ll get used to it, after all I did work there normally before. In my mind, I’m not so sure, but to others it just sounds like I’m being pessimistic about my situation.
Unfortunately, I couldn’t get my stomach fixed so I’ve been battling with it a little. It’s amazing just how much things change when it decides to herniate. I was thinking last night about it and just how long I could keep going to see him to pull it back out. What if he leaves town? What if I leave town?
Perhaps I should get it operated on like my aunty did. She said she feels fantastic now, and “should have had it done years ago.” It might solve a lot of problems, and I’d never feel like I can’t breathe properly or choke on my own saliva.
My partner decided to steal my corner in the office, along with my beautiful glass desk, and I had to get rid of my wheelie-chair because it was leaking oil. Does it sound like I’m complaining? I’m not. I don’t mind my new desk. Perhaps I shouldn’t write when I wake up in the morning.
I’m hoping for a beautiful day. It’ll be good to take a road trip, and to see the farm. Things have been a lot better between myself and my partner, but not like you’d have any idea something was wrong. Maybe nothing was wrong?
Lastly, have you never had those moments when you force yourself to be totally in the moment? As if you had no past, and there is no future? It’s so hard to do this most of the time, because we always have a million thoughts running through our heads, not to mention our emotional brain making associations to sounds, smells, what have you. I stood in my bathroom last night as stared at some hair care products. Here I am, I thought. This is me.
Totally freeing, even if it’s only for a few moments.