I’ve been a tad busy over the past few days, so I’m just catching up here at WordPress.
My parents arrived yesterday and we went off to one of the museums here in my city. My mother (who drives now because of my father’s illness) dropped us at the entrance and went off to get a park, and my father and I sat down on a big, wooden log to wait. When I got up I realised the cracks in the wood had water in them, and I had effectively wet my shorts! I laughed it off and wrapped a sweater around my waist. Life’s too short to worry about it. We finally had some warm, sunny weather too.
We ended up staying there for 3 hours, during which I managed to sit down with my parents and have lunch. I did get anxious when we were ordering food because the usual “what if I panic want to go before they’ve finished eating?” sets in, but I ignored it as much as possible and focused more of my attention on them. I thought, if I have to, I’ll go and hide somewhere while panicking, but damn it! My parents deserve to enjoy their lunch!
Because of the particular things in the museum, most of the exhibitions are dark. Light degrades things over time, so they have to be careful about that. The down side is no one can read anything without getting up close, and after 3 hours of eye strain, well it’s enough to give you one hell of a headache.
We again had a storm that lasted for only half an hour, but the lightening was so close this time it made all three of us jump out of our skin. We all got pretty tired, had dinner together, and then they went off to stay in a hotel for the night. I chatted to my partner for a little while and then headed to bed myself. The storm left behind a cuddly teddybear.
Today I did a very exciting thing.
I drove to the shops and back, through a set of traffic lights. I must admit I was a little weird around the traffic lights – I would stop just down the road a little bit and when they turned green I headed towards them and went through. (If you don’t remember, I struggle with traffic lights ever since my first panic attack by myself, stuck in a car at a set.) My mother asked:
“What’s the difference between stopping here, and stopping at the lights?”
I explained that it all had to do with feeling “boxed in” if I had other cars come up behind me, or if the lights take too long to change it makes me very nervous – I can’t get away. I don’t understand it myself, but it’s a fear I just have to get over with practice.
It’s a bit like asking me “why do you have panic attacks?” I have absolutely no idea. Even when I’m in the situation, rationally I know I don’t have anything to be afraid of in a supermarket or at traffic lights, or at work, but it just happens. To me it doesn’t make sense that I know all the facts and advice and it goes ahead anyway.
That is the first time I have driven so far away (to another suburb) in almost a year. It’s something I would not have been able to do 2 months ago. Not only that, but my mother and I drove to a small supermarket to buy a couple of things. So, not only was I driving, but I also had to go somewhere to do something – and plus it was the first time I had driven during the day too!
Now I am relaxing, getting ready for yet another week. In the next 7 days I aim to be more creative – in regards to art as well as writing, cooking and exploring. Leave my comfort zone a little.
See you next week!